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Hey everyone, its been a while. So long that i couldn't even log on or remember my password or if my username was one word or 2 or my hotmail log in or anything! LOL!! I've got some shit in my head and im gonna pound out the keyboard. If anybody has an issue with something i write, send me a message, with why you have a problem with something and i will pull the whole thing of no questions asked. Mods feel free to pull it if you think its not right either. No Dramas. just tell me why for whatever the reason, and ill accept it. There is so much stuff to convey, that i will do it in parts. Trust me, something happened to me that changed me FOREVER, and im never going back to the old George. Something i cant explain properly, because its kind of freaky, but i will try.. Something that has made me feel so good inside, that i have never ever felt, or thought you could feel or even believed was possible to feel in the realms of possibility. I mean, if it wasn't in front of the eyes, or proven fact, i would have doubts about its truth or meaning. I never knocked things i had no understanding of or didnt or couldnt do myself, i just never entertained it in my thinking if it wasn't there for me to see. Well im either wrong, which could be true or Im either confused, which i doubt because it all makes sense to me, Or i could be onto something that might or might not help someone tackle an issue in their life and beat it. Or maybe im a fuckin fruit loop, who is delusional and is suffering Psycosis from an Acid trip 20 years ago. Either way, it's working for me, it's made me feel like i can do anything i really want to, and it has also made me see Everything clear as day. I feel like im on every type of upper in the world, my adrenilin feels like it is constantly leaking into me and giving me that sensation it gives, and all my problems now seem like they are all easy to fix if i want to fix them. All the answers are there, all i got to do is fix it. Monday on it all starts, I will fix them all. Ive been planning my new Project. I call it, Project Life. Its purpose is to make my kids life as best i can now and for the future. To teach them all the things they need as a human being. Honesty, Humility, Good, Right, and much more. Most importantly, Judge yourself for everything you do. Admit all your mistakes. Make NO excuses for you fuck ups. Apologise, for your mistakes. Forgive, even when your in the right. and love yourself. If i teach them all that and they take all that with them as adults, then i KNOW they will be free! Free in the heart, head and conscious and in turn, they will be happy. Thats all i ever wanted for them, but now i will make sure of it. They will feel like me. Some of you guys know me and some of you don't. Either way, George of old, is not the George of now. I am a new person. All the changes are for the better. I have changed my thought process on how to handle and fix my problems in my life with a process i new all along to fix other things, but not my problems. It was in front of me the whole time, and i couldn't see it.Ive been at WAR for a while now and been in the trenches fighting somebody, but mainly just trying to stay alive. The reason im saying it like that is, this is my personal shit that ive never ever had a problem sharing with anyone or had too much pride to admit. You see, if anybody bottles it all up, they will end up a gutted, hollow, mess, and i new that. But since all this, for some reason, i talk with examples and i put EVERYthing into stories. That way people understand what happened to me, what the sollution is for me, and in turn, the finer details and personal stuff stays personal and everyone still understands my point and hopefully learns something. I think it might be a scar for talking to my wife in riddles and examples, trying to get her to see A point of view she doesnt understand, like she's a child, for years now. You just gotta keep trying different angles but with the same meaning untill you find the right terminology someone understands, to get your point across. You learn from mistakes and there is no reason why they have to be YOUR own mistakes to learn something. The Issue was, i wanted to stop the war and she wanted to torture me to death and destroy me.No matter what i did, what ever i did in that time, all i got back was genades and bullets. Try and communicate to the emeny to seek a cease fire, but your talking english, and your foe is talking Greek. Aint gonna happen is it? So i started fighting back and it was a battle that had no purpose. Like fighting over land that is one square meter, in the middle of the Sahara Desert that is just sand. Useless! When i finally looked at myself and said, enough is enough. For me to win, i had to destroy my enemy. My enemy was MY wife and the mother of OUR children. I dont want to fight her.I never ever thought of or treated her as my enemy, but I thought, " if i destroy my her, will i be a victor? Obviously if you destroy your wife or she destroys you the only loser and hurt that we will inflict and that actually matters here is our kids., I thought "George just stand up in that trench with your white flag, wave it and say" I give up." Shoot what you want at me, I am not fighting anymore. She kept on shooting and trying to kill me, but the funny thing was, i stood there, and nothing ever hit me. Not even a flesh wound. This in turn made her get more amo. Bullets and grenades to Missiles and nukes. Well, after all that, i was still standing there without a scratch. Suddenly the unbeatable, powerful foe was a crumbled, exhausted, defeated wreck. This made me feel not happy, vidicated, victorious, or celebrate in any way. It made me want to try to repair all her damage, all the battle wounds and and all the scars that brought us here. To give her help to be ever more powerful than before, so in her head, she saw the purpose of love, marriage, and family and the important things that WE both forgot in the war. We were too busy fighting to see all the carnage around us and that there was no winners there. It was a war that was gonna destroy the both of us and in turn hurt the people too. The people were our children and families and friend and ourselves too.. When it all hit me, i just said " No More". Then it seemed so much easier, and it was and is. You see, this isnt a story of sadness and it hasnt got a happy ending because it's no where near the end yet. Yes it's a story of pain, suffering, marriage, problems and most of all selfishness, but it's also a story that if you believe it like i do, then there is nothing that anybody cant fix that they are in the power to fix if they want to. Obviously , some things cant be fixed, like serious illness and things like that you cant actually fix no matter what you did. Sometimes its up to god. God? What? Ive been a person who does not hold religion in my heart, life, thinking, actions or even thoughts for years and years and years. I still dont believe in ANY religion and am not a born again christian or anything of the sort. I dont have faith in religion, never had it, never lost it, and right now, do not hold it in my life. THIS IS NOT ABOUT GOD OR RELIGION or anything like that. I cant confirm its truth, so i just dont use it. People believe what they want to, and i never judge or like to talk about religion with people ever. There is no better way, to make me want to walk away, and no better way to argue with someone intensly, than talking about religion. This is about thinking! Yep THINKING! We all do it, we all cant live without doing it. We all think we know best. We all think, we know whats right. We all think we know whats the best for our kids. What we all dont think about is concequenses of our actions and responsabilities to our children. Some do, some dont. Some think they do, but don't, and some don't think about it and do it. Which one are you?? I thought i new it and did it, but it didnt even register on the scales. I mean, i knew the purpose, but i didnt do, THE BEST THINK FOR MY CHILDREN ALL OF THE TIME REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION AND WHAT I WANTED! Selfishness is in all of us and sometimes we don't see it. I knew how selfish my wife was, i knew i can be selfish sometimes too, But i thought overall, i was not selfish to want BMX bikes, Cars, Holidays, and all the rest, and i still do like those things now, but i DO NOT care about any of them. i would put everything i have in a pile and burn it all, right here, right now, walk away naked with a smile and without a worry in the world. My new hobby is my Childrens Future and education, and the LIFE lessons i will teach them so they are GOOD people in their Heart. Man, there is no use getting old, having money, security, hobbies, and everything else if you look at your children and they are all fucked up, selfish, not Good people and unhappy. How will you be happy if your kids are miserable or damaged by what you did to them psycologicaly to them when they were kids. THe meaning of life is Children! I always new it, but just didnt live it. Well, i cant type anymore, and im starving so enough for today. Tomorrow i will get into some more tales of wisdom and prosperity or crazyness and insanity. Either way, its working for me.! Peace !